If you have any involvement in gun culture, you’ll have met some awesome people; however, there are also some ridiculous, crazy, and down right douchey folks as well. I’m talking about your fanny pack wearers, punisher logo carrying, militia people. Keep reading to see if you, or anyone you know has seen these top 5 douchey gun guys.
Before you all go crazy on the Facebooks, and the Twitters about how unfair this article is, let’s all just take a deep breath and relax. There’s a little bit of douche bag in all of us, but in some of us, the force is much stronger.
These are your Sith Lords of douche baggery. Not only are they painful to be around, they often give us, the normal gun folks, a bad name.
On to the list!
Open Carry Oliver
This guy will always be carrying a gun, or maybe a rifle in public, because, “Don’t Tread on Me!” He know’s his rights, and he also knows there’s no better way than to exercise them than walking around public with Ak or Ar-15 slung at the ready, in case any of those ISIS boys get froggy.
He will also be antagonistic to any Patrol Officer that is required to come talk to him, due to the dozens of suspicious person calls he will have generated, by his aimless wanderings.
He has been thinking of getting into that Sovereign Citizenship group, but he just doesn’t have the legal training yet, one day, one day…
This guy secretly has dick problems, and enjoys the look in normal people’s eye’s when they see his guns and head the other direction. It’s just MURICA, and if you don’t like it you can get out!
If you like gun stuff, and hilarious gun stuff at that, put your email in on the right, and join the team. If you don’t I bet you play Dungeons and Dragons, and you’re not even good at it nerd!
Spartan Stephen
Look I was in the Marine Corps and I take some blame for this. Spartans were the shit when the movie 300 came out, and everyone says the Corps is basically Sparta right? I mean they still are cool, but can we knock off all the stickers on our guns, our trucks, our wives, and our dogs?
I mean, what are you even trying to say with all that? You aren’t a Spartan, you don’t do Spartan things. Putting a picture of a helmet on all your possessions won’t change that. Molon Labe all these damn stickers while you’re at it!
Militia Mike
This feller here is basically an airsofter who thinks he’s too good to shoot plastic BB’s. You’ll generally find him somewhere in the midwest, south, or in a state that borders Mexico.
They have taken it on themselves to band together to fight the oppression, or uh..stand for our rights, or white power maybe? God Damnit Mike, those aren’t thoughts you say, how many times did the Captain tell you that?
Just look how tough these guys are. They train weekly, they have cammo, and some of them look like they’ve held a gun before, sort of!
These guys spend most of their time “patrolling” dressing up like Delta force, if Delta wore only Condor plate carriers. They also enjoy scaring the shit out of immigrants crossing the border who are basically trying to earn money for their families.
They definitely have a ton of 3% er moral patches, but don’t care that more than 3% of the male population fought in the Revolutionary War. It’s understandable that you like guns, and want to hang out with dudes. Heck we all do, you just don’t have to play pretend to do so.
Cheap Ass Charlie
Charlie only buys two types of guns, Mosin-Nagants and Hi-Points. He once thought about buying a Kel-Tec but decided against it, as an unnecessary waste of money.
He won’t generally shoot these guns, but will spend most of his times on Facebook groups, and forums, extolling the virtues of these pieces of crap, but his cheapness doesn’t stop there.
He’ll reload muddy brass. He won’t own a holster that isn’t made by Uncle Mike, and he sure as hell won’t actually get training with his firearms. That hunters safety course he took 20 years ago is good enough for him. He’s basically one of them Ranger boys.
Punisher Pete
This is the fuck boy of the gun world, but where as others on this list have a wide and varied flavor of douche baggery, Punisher Pete focuses on the punisher symbol exclusively.
He’ll put the logo on every single one of his $400 dollar AR dust covers. It’s definitely stippled on his Glocks, and probably on the slide cover as well. It’s not enough for him to feel that logo in his hand, he has to see it while he’s shooting.
If you see him at the range, and you will. This guy will be doing mag dumps exclusively, probably at ranges of less than 3 yards. Don’t worry bro, thats a great shotgun pattern you have, oh wait that was a pistol, and at contact distance? Maybe you need new choke tubes?
If you or anyone you know has started hanging out with these folks, you need to intervene immediately. Take their ass to a gym, and show them what it’s like to run something other than their mouth, and for the love of God, take them to some kind of training class, and show them there are constructive ways of being a gun enthusiast. With your help, surely we can find a cure.
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5 perfect descriptions.
Thanks Jerry!
Love this. I wasn’t a Marine but I was a Doc who served with them for 16 years. I’m also a combat vet who was proud to serve next to you Jar Heads.
I’ve seen my share of douche bags and feel would feel sorry for them if they weren’t so irritating. Anyway stay safe and my advice when one comes strolling onto the range is to duck and cover and low crawl your ass out of there. Hahaha
I love guns. I own many. Grew up with a Marine Corps father. The douchebag gun culture was completely a sent from my household. So now I cant stand it. Can’t be around mist gun guys, its obnoxious. So much so that i often times totally understand why anti gun people feel. If we want the 2nd Amendment to continue we need a PR makeover.